Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My pussy is not your playground.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All I want is dick and wine.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
