just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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