i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
