go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
