One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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