Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
