I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
