This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
