Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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