I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You smell like stripper and shame
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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