Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
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We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
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I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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