she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
