first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
