put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
