actually, I'm a sock model
so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
BRING THE BAGELS
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
