I need help removing her.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
