i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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