She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
