There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
