I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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