So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
