the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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