Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.