Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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