I seem to have left my pride at pride
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
