God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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