I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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