then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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