I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
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Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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