definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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