please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
