dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
