You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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