You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
