no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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