he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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