I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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