If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
