So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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