My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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