How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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