I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Did I show you my penis last night?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
