Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
