Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Cover your peen. We're going out.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
