he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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