he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
