What a fucking waste of an outfit
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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