its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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