Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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