I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Randomize
