i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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