I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
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im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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