I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
