Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
