man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She told me I should be a condom model.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drink are we having for lunch?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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