you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
