omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
