I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
