Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
