i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
