Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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