awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
