There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
