he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
