So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
