Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
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I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
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can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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