trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
